You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
