hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
third nipple confirmed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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