The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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