Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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