True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
