i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
