And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
