I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
