Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
