??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
