the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are we still banned from the library?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
