Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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