the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
