Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
