All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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