I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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