Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
