Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
