o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
