before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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