sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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