Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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