My balls are so social today.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
how drunk are you?
Several
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
