Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
