im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
