Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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