Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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