Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize