Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
