We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
