seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
