So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
