the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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