I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
