He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
