No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
