We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
