come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
