U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
