mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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