Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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