why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
