I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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