After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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