someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
