Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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