FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize