I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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