what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
