Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
