im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
