i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize