The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
