She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
