She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
