I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize