Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
