I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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