I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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