You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
