how can u be prego again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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